Reproductive Health Concerns

The full range of the infertility experience — from the desire to have a baby to the diagnosis of reproductive problems and the sometimes lengthy process of trying to conceive — can bring on a range of emotions, including overwhelming anger, confusion, depression, a sense of helplessness, and frustration with your body’s limitations.

You experience loss — the loss of your image of yourself as a healthy person, as a fertile person, as a parent. The hopes and dreams you have carried with you for many years seem further away.

Things to consider:

• Remember you are not alone. About 7.3 million people in the United States and Canada face reproductive problems.

• The distress and pain you feel about infertility is normal. The pain of reproductive problems is particularly difficult because it doesn’t end with a diagnosis. You are not being “needy” or “over emotional” because you need help coping.

• Realize you may go through stages. The process of coping with a reproductive problem can be likened to the famous “grief cycle” defined by Swiss doctor Elizabeth Kübler-Ross. Commonly described in literature on death and terminal illness, this cycle of human response to grief involves going through periods of shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and acceptance. Additionally, because the nature of conceiving happens in cycles you may experience grief over and over.

 Do you feel sad, irritable, or angry?

• Are you having difficulty bonding with your baby?

• Do you feel anxious or panicky? Are you having problems eating or sleeping?

• Are you experiencing upsetting thoughts that you can’t seem to get rid of?

• Do you feel as if you are “out of control” or “going crazy”?

• Do you feel as if you never should have become a mother?

• Are you worried that you might hurt your baby or yourself?

Are you experiencing an early loss?

 Pregnancy loss is a devastating experience that is endured by many expecting couples. If you have lost your baby, you know how painful this loss can be. You might wonder if you’ll ever have a baby to hold and call your own. But surviving the emotional impact of pregnancy loss is possible.

It is a loss no one talks about. No one sees the pain/loss/brokenness and thus pregnancy loss can feel very isolating.

It’s the constant wondering of:

• Who were they going to be?

• What were they going to look like?

• How old would they be now?

• What kind of big sister/brother would they be?

• The not knowing how to grieve someone you never met

Miscarriage is defined as the loss of a baby before 20 weeks gestation. 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in pregnancy loss

Common causes:

• chromosomal abnormalities — such as missing or extra chromosomes that occur by chance

• uncontrolled health issues (diabetes, thyroid issues etc.), infections, hormonal issues

What does NOT cause miscarriage

• sex

• exercise

• working

First-time parenting is monumentous

 Nora Ephron, in the novel Heartburn, sums up the potential impact of a baby on the marital relationship: “. . . Now, of course, I realized something else no one tells you; that a child is a grenade. When you have a baby, you set off an explosion in your marriage, and when the dust settles, your marriage is different from what it was. Not better, necessarily; not worse, necessarily; but different” (1983, p. 158).

This quote could be applied just as easily to what it feels for parents indivudally as well. Areas that many people struggle with after a baby arrives could include, self identity, did I make a mistake becoming a parent?, I want to stay home or I want to go back to work, how do I continue to do things I enjoy or find time for myself?

This is a normal part of an incredible transition. We will help a long the bumpy road into your new life.

What is a traumatic birth?

A birth is said to be traumatic when an individual believes the birth giver’s or baby’s life was in danger, or that a serious threat to the birth giver’s or baby’s physical or emotional integrity existed (Penny Simkin, PATTch). Trauma, however, is in the “eye of the beholder.”

Some of the symptoms people may experience as a result of a traumatic birth include,

• Intrusive thoughts

• Avoidance or numbing reactions

• Hyperarousal (difficulty sleeping, irritability, exaggerated startle response)

• Impairment in other areas of their life

When birth doesn’t go the way you wanted.

For many of us we begin to think about what it will be like to give birth at a young age. As time passes and friends begin having children we learn about all of the different ways we can bring a baby into the world. When we become pregnant ourselves we begin to plan our birth. We decide about pain measures, where we would like to have the baby, who will be present and if we will have a midwife or an OBGYN.

When the day finally arrives we quickly learn that birth happens to us. Birth does not always go the way we want and when that happens the experience can be devastating. You are not alone. With help you can fiind a way to love yourself through the pain and disappointment.